In my host family’s house, on a marble floor, while watching an AC/DC concert broadcast from São Paulo. In the excitement, I couldn’t remember if he ever got it in or not. For days afterward, my girlfriends kept asking, “So… did you?” and I honestly didn’t know. But they never actually said anything or asked any “real” questions. When he walked in naked, they lost it laughing at us. I was about to say “No” when Andrew shouts from the other side of the fence, “Yeah, I’m here, can you let me in please?” I landed on the other side and was about to unlock the gate when my host father and brother walked around the corner of the house. I said, “Where, exactly, would I have put the keys?” So, he had to boost me over the gate so I could unlock it from the other side. Upon arrival, the house was dark and it looked as if they weren’t home. We decided to go to my house instead of his because we figured that the people I was staying with would be more understanding or easier to lie to. A few minutes later we were standing on shore bare-naked. I threw him off me, jumped up hollering about the boat sinking, and grabbed a paddle to head for shore. I figured I’d better be on my back for this moment, so I let myself lay back and I’ll be damned if my hair wasn’t floating about my head. I was a little preoccupied with getting it on to notice that the boat was filling from the rear until the fateful moment of entry. We were about to do the deed when I told him my ass was getting wet.Ī little lesson in boats: They sink slowly until they’re about half full of water, then they go down like lead weights. After one slug of the booze and one puff off the joint, we commenced to clumsily roll around in the bottom of the boat. I stuffed our clothes under the seat in the front of the boat. We paddled out and were almost instantly naked. We brought the necessary items: a bottle of liquor, a joint, and a condom. This boat was something like 20 feet long, about 1 foot deep, and about 4 feet wide, and made of wood. We came up with another brilliant idea: We would borrow something similar to a rowboat from a friend, paddle out onto the local lake, and get the deed done. At that point his host mother barged in, dragged me out of the house by my feet (buck naked, mind you), called me a ”whore,” and kicked me to the curb. I touched the showerhead briefly and was shocked so severely that I fell and spun out across the floor. In this particular tropical country, showerheads are often electric and some fool had made theirs out of metal. We thought the shower would be a “sexy” place to do it and that the rushing water would also be a nice cover for any strange noises.
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